Proposal

Guys. Yesterday was  the first day (and I'm hoping the last) since my commitment to write on this blog every day. Now. Ordinarily, I would beat up on myself, but I have learned better than to let Shame get the best of me. Let me just tell you WHY I missed writing on here yesterday, because it was a very busy and full and amazing day.

First: I met Laurie from Finding my Healing and had my very first face to face meeting with a fellow Blogger WoPA! I have my girls from LifeStar, but she is the first contact from the internet web of awesome WoPA sisters that I have met face to face! It was so fun, and so good to just chat and KNOW that we understood each other better than most people, such a healing thing for me!

Second: My sister got engaged, and I wasn't bitter about it- in fact I was completely ecstatic for her. It's so crazy that only a year ago (and I was talking to Laurie about this) I would look at newly in love couples, couples who just got engaged, or were googly eyed at each other in the halls at school, and I would purposefully be that awkward person who would walk between them... BAHAHA!! I feel so silly admitting that! But seriously. I would act oblivious so that they thought I was just distracted by my thoughts or by my phone... you know. But while I was walking between them, I would always think to myself. "This is just the start- once you find out about his porn issue, you wouldn't want to stand so close anyway." Bah! That makes me sound crazy- but it's true! It is an absolute miracle that my little baby amazing sister is getting engaged to a guy- and I am happy about it. Do I think she's a bit disillusioned about what marriage will be like? yes. Do I think she will call me crying because of fights or difficult things that might arise while you are figuring out how to be married? Probably. But you know what? She asked all the questions that she needed to ask- and she did all the research that she needed to do. Does that always prove to be correct? no. 

But what I got out of this whole experience is this: We all have our lives to live, and we are all doing our best to live the best life we can give to ourselves. Before, I hated hearing about people getting engaged- because to me, I had a beautiful engagement story, even if it wasn't perfect. And because of that- I  thought I could see through these "beautiful engagement stories" and see what was REALLY going to happen to them once the rose colored glasses come off. And it may actually come down to that- But guess what I realized about myself as I was sitting there crying for joy with my sister? I changed. I am still okay being there to comfort, and chear and just be there for the really incredibly hard parts of life- but I am learning that I am also just as happy to be there for the really happy times too! 

It is so liberating- I feel like I don't have to be a slave to my bitterness anymore- and with that goes my desire to push my bitterness onto other people! I think Abe Lincoln said it perfectly:

"This is a world of compensations; and he who would be no slave, must consent to have no slave. Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it."