Ashley’s Definition’s
“Acting Out”: Looking at “Porn” by my definition (see below), Looking for Porn (aka “trolling”), Masterbating, with or without porn.
“Pornography”(aka porn): “Anything created to excite or stimulate sexual arousal, or, even with the intention there, anything that still stimulates sexual arousal. This includes soft and hard-core pornography, movies, previews, literature, ads, catalogues, etc. Also lusting after other women in real life.” (LDS Church’s definition)
Furthermore, we shall incorporate thoughts. Any euphoric recall is also PORN and can/ constitute acting out
What I want to know:
When J goes looking for something sexually exciting- be it online or in person.-
*In this case, I want to know what happened, if he has reached out and WHAT the plan is.*
When J doesn’t go looking for something, but something triggering happens and he decides to go looking for more- for example: taking another longer look, clicking on a triggering ad on a safe site.
*In this case I want to know that he reached out and that there IS a plan, not necessarily what the plan is.*
Masterbating or Starting to masterbate
*In this case I want to know that he reached out and that there IS a plan, not necessarily what the plan is.*
Thinking or starting to think about "porn"( see above for definition) constitutes acting out: see consequences.
*In this case I want to know that he reached out and that there IS a plan, not necessarily what the plan is.*
Bottomlines:
If J acts out in the home (see above for more clarification), I will ask him to find a worthy priesthood holder to rededicate our home to disinvite the evil he has invited into our home.
If J acts out” (see above for more clarification), I will have him sleep at least one night outside of the home- until I feel safe. This does not negate any of his responsibilities in regards to our home and our son. If he does it while he is already outside of the home, I will start doing what I need to do to keep my son and I safe from the addiction, and consider looking at legal separation and eventually possibly divorce.
If J “acts out” (see above for more clarification) while our son is in his care, I will hire a babysitter that I feel comfortable with while I need to work, and he will be responsible for finding the funding to pay for it.
While I dig through the hurt and trauma that his addiction has caused me, I will require a “safe space.” This means that I will not have J sleep in the bedroom with me.
If J minimizes or is in denial about his addiction, I will detach and have him sleep outside of the home until I feel safe. This does not negate any of his responsibilities in regards to our home and our son. If he does it while he is already outside of the home, I will start doing what I need to do to keep My son and I safe from the addiction, and consider looking at legal separation and eventually possibly divorce.
If J lies to me, I will have him sleep at least one night outside of the home- until I feel safe. This does not negate any of his responsibilities in regards to our home and our son. If he does it while he is already outside of the home, I will start doing what I need to do to keep my son and I safe from the addiction, and consider looking at legal separation and eventually possibly divorce.
Things that help me feel start to feel safer:
Respecting my bottom lines
Being completely honest
Take me out on a date every week
Surprise me with a plan^
Plan fun family activities
Leading family home evening
Leading us in family prayer
Send me to get pampered
Lead us with the priesthood
Read Scriptures with me
Take me on a walk
Surprise me with a clean car
Take our son on Daddy/Son Dates
Compliment me in public
Kiss my cheek in public
Write me a love note
Buy me flowers
Offer me priesthood blessings
Surprise me with lunch from my favorite places
Encourage me to meet my goals
Increased sobriety
Getting on board with the parenting toolbox
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