Non-compliance.
I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling right now, but the feeling is burning inside of me, so I want to get it in front of me, and I'm using my keyboard as my tool of choice.
My husband is going through that period of self discovery that he never really went through as a teenager. That time where you question everything and what some people see as rebelling- but really just wanting to test the waters to see what you REALLY believe, and trying things out to see how they make him feel... Questioning what he's always believed.
It's weird.
But I think it's a MUCH needed phase, even if it's scary. Wholly cow. I am sounding like a mom. Which I am. But who knew I would be learning these lessons with my husband while my child is almost two years old.
I am so used to asking him to do something, and having him do it, no questions asked... But now there are MANY questions asked. I'm going through a love/hate relationship of this change in our dynamic.
I was just about to say that I'm working really hard to let it go and give it to god- to surrender... Which I have been doing, surrendering that is- but I haven't been working all that hard at it. When Christ said that his burden/yolk is light, he wasn't kidding!! It has literally been the most relieving thing that I have ever done in this whole process- let it go. *insert huge sigh of relief*
I don't mean I've given up anything- just my desire to control or judge any other human being ever again. (Or as much as humanly possible) I mean, what kinds of mountains could I move if I used this amounts of energy on things that actually work- things that will actually get me somewhere. Like self affermations, planning a future, investing time in my son, getting healthy, pulling myself out of whater funk I've been in for the past 3 years...
This is true freedom! I'm finding it in my healing- and I trust that my husband is working towards the same end goal... No matter how he gets there, it's good to know that at least we are seeking freedom from the same source- by means of a spiritual and personal journey to know ourselves and Christ better.
I feel free from my former role of puppet master, and I bet it feels good for him to feel like the strings have been cut as well.
