Aftermath

So I am really proud of myself. 

I stuck to my bill of rights and my boundaries!! I went down and talked to him and presented my dilemma I was having... I did GREAT work.

That being said: I realized that the next step is to have an "if then" statement that could help keep myself without investing in my husbands recovery... I basically went down there with my dilemma wanting him to solve it for me... Which he did, but it made him feel controlled by me.

And I felt like I was being semi-controlling! I hate feeling like that. So I really had to analyze the WHY and the WHAT. Why I was feeling unsafe, and what I was afraid of. It ended up being that I was afraid of being woken up and being told that he had acted out. I also didn't want to wake up in the morning and first thing have that be what I hear. So my "if then" statement is this: If I am trying to sleep but cant because I am afraid I will be awakened to a confession, then I will ask him to sleep somewhere else so that I have some time to myself to prepare myself and sleep without fear.

That puts the recovery ball back in his court. He knows where I stand, but he also knows that I don't want to control him. I know that he knows where I stand, and my confidence in my own recovery grows stronger. It's a win-win!

It's hard going from full support for little things like this in therapy to being thrown into real life again. I feel like I learned how to walk with crutches, and then with a walking boot, and without either I have to re-teach my muscles how to walk without them.