I'm going to talk out the anger I am feeling right now, hoping to find the core emotion behind it. Let me set this up, just came home from a fun family night of swimming at the rec center. I wasn't triggered there at all, but now that I write that, I realize that j might have been, and that just adds to the anger. Our two year old starts telling us he has an earache on the ride home. We get home and I am scrambling to find medicine for him. I find some and feed it to him while my husband holds him. Husband blows up at me for spilling medicine on his shirt. I grab baby and head upstairs to put him to bed. My own ears are starting to hurt, and my own cold like symptoms start to develop. I fall asleep putting my baby down. I wake and sneak out of the room only to see lights on downstairs like my husband is watching tv... Go downstairs to find him breaking a bottom line and using my phone to watch the Apple TV. Grab my phone and go upstairs to go to bed without saying anything to him. Upstairs in bed starting to fall asleep, when I hear something- it's my husband looking for my phone so he can put on the next episode of whatever he is watching! Cue anger. I go downstairs to get my phone so I can write on my blog.
I don't know what made me so angry. , but I think most of it lies in something he said the other day: "if I'm being completely honest, I haven't been doing recovery work" and then this. Using my stuff to break bottom lines!! Ugh. I am sad, and I am scared that I am going to get hurt by another confession.
So here is what I am going to do: ask j to sleep downstairs and then put a password on my phone so I don't have to be scared of it being from my device.
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