Update

Here is my update:

• It's funny that I'm reading a book about shame, and yet didn't post on Friday, and am feeling shameful about it... but I tell myself that I shouldn't feel shame... and yet there it is. 
• J and I have had some (drama filled?) talks lately about our relationship, and how we feel like we are totally growing apart. I feel like part of it is that we are both living in fear about what the other person is thinking/feeling/doing/not doing. It's a scary time for me. Especially because last night during a discussion that definitely took a turn for drama, J was saying things that I was trying to ignore. I think I did a pretty good job- too good of a Job, because his insults and jabs got worse and worse- and then he grabbed me to get my attention- INSTANT trauma response on my part. I slept on the couch because I knew there was no point in me even asking him to do so- he was so in addict/drama mode there was no going back. I slept on the couch to stay safe and to abide by my bottom lines, and I am so glad I did. I respect myself so much more than I would had I just stayed in bed.
• I have been contemplating starting a business with J- but right now that just seems like a stupid idea. 

So there is my update- I am going to continue to have my goal of writing on here every day, and I will not let my set-backs take that away from me- take that shame.