My world is changing.
Just when I come to terms with how it gets to be for now as I figure what I want my relationship to be with my husband, I get a curveball thrown my way.
He's quitting his job. Giving his two weeks notice so he can figure out what he wants out of life.
He has been home contemplating this move and getting over his illness for the four days, and honestly I don't know how to take it with him here all the time.
He finally realized how distanced I am from him, and he doesn't like it. He didn't notice before and I think he's a little freaked out. He is trying to fix it. He is trying to undo 6 months of pain in just a couple of days and doesn't understand when I don't just go back to leaning into him.
I have tried to explain it: "You can't expect months of pain to be erased by a couple of days of kindness." I have said it to him a million different ways to him- but he still can't wrap his mind around it.
I don't know how, but I think he has forgotten that acting out and addict behavior hurts me. I don't understand how he doesn't get it, but I really don't think he does- and I think he thinks that this good behavior mixed with numbing on his iPad isn't fixing anything.
As the Taylor Swift song says:
"Bandaids don't fix bullet holes
you say sorry just for show
When you live like that blood runs bad"
wth. What do I do now? What do I do when I don't have him being away at his job every day for 12+ hours everyday to protect me?
Just when I figure things out, I get to figure something new out again.
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