I feel like my whole life revolves around pornography and sexual addiction. I'm glad, because I think the Lord is blessing me to learn from other people's stories, and to gain new perspectives. However, sometimes it's nice just to have a place where you can escape it for a little while, and that's just what my work is for me. I love being able to get away and detach for a bit.
However, about a month ago, I discovered a magazine with a page with pornographic material that had a bookmark put into it. I knew exactly who had been looking at it, and kind of took to watching him, just to see it from an outsiders perspective looking in- and I gained some pretty interesting insights: He never looks me or any woman in the eye really, if he does, it's really quick like REALLY quick. Also, I have had multiple conversations about my husband's career/scholastic goals, along with his scholastic/career goals, and he doesn't "think too much" about the future. He also has never asked about mine- even though I've been dying to tell him that I want to help women who's husbands suffer from a sexual addiction. I want to see his reaction... anyway, that's a different topic.
Today, I learned that he his married! I had no idea, and wowza, that brought up a whole new bout of emotions. I wanted to give him my phone number to give to her so she could call me whenever she needed me. SO BAD. I really had to suppress that one- because what would I say- "hey, I know you were looking at porn, and if this is a habit, could you please give your wife my phone number?" nope. couldn't do that. I really really wanted to reach out to her for whatever reason, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Also, it really bothered me that he didn't wear his ring to work- like ever. I've worked there for a year, and have never known that he was married, and he had been married the whole time! I don't know his story, but It's been an interesting experience.
Been doing good on dailies and boundaries, pretty proud of myself! I'm off to play with my baby! Much love!
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