Preparedness

My husband's addict doesn't know what it wants. When we first got married, he loved that I wanted to work. Now, seeing me working towards a career makes him feel like I'm preparing to leave him, which I'm not. However, I'm also not in a position to fully trust him either.

I've watched my little sister be a single mom, and her struggle alone has convinced me that I need a plan B. Plan A is the best plan, and there are multiple options and little things to be adjusted withing plan A. Plan A is to stay with my husband, obtain a graduate degree, and ultimately live in recovery with him and the children I will want to have once he is sober long enough for me to want to or myself down more.

Plan B is dreadful. Plan B would be me coming to the conclusion after much prayer and study to leave. Plan B is only there to be used if J gives up. I honestly don't see me ever carrying out plan B. He is being very active in his recovery. But the fact that I have a plan B scares him. 

After watching my sister and her struggles, I have determined to have  a career to fall back on, one that makes enough money that I can afford to actually spend quality time with my child without worrying that if I do I will be living without electricity.  I realize that schooling could be hell. But I honestly feel like The Lord is guiding me. If he wanted me to stop with my plan, I would. 100% I would. But he is there with me, and so I'm pressing on. If I am able to continue with plan A, my preparations will only add... If not, I am not going to be sol. It's logical, and I believe that God will be there helping me to raise my son... And I believe that everything will work out if I trust in him.