The Beginning

This post is the beginning of it all. Have you ever had an epiphany? I have been struggling to know what I should do with my life. Today, I know. I have literally never been so sure of something in my entire life. If you found this blog, it is because you were meant to, just like I was meant to create it. This blog is part of God's greater purpose for me- he want's me to heal. He want's me and you to find solace in his love. He wants us to know that we are not alone. 

The addiction to pornography is an addiction that can only thrive in secrecy. The addiction can only live behind closed windows, closed windows, closed hearts, and closed minds. Every man who has this addiction has a battle raging inside of himself. He has the addict self, and he has the real self. I obviously fell in love with the man living inside of him, not the addict. Sometimes it is hard to separate the two of them. Something I have realized:  it is the addict, not my husband, who has asked me in the past to isolate myself from others about his addiction. It was soo hard not to talk to someone about the hardest trial I have ever gone through. The addiction tends to make wives, girlfriends, fiances and the like all feel like they are not enough. Isolation paired with this incredible blow to your self-esteem is detrimental. I can not do it and have my marriage and love live.

So the question is, what can I do about it? It can seem like all is lost sometimes, especially in the moment. The good news is that I have already taken the first step- I have sought to reach out, and by doing that, I are on the path to my own recovery. That's right, MY recovery. I know what you may be thinking (because I thought it myself for two years), "I will be recovered once he has recovered." This is not so. If I don't recover, I will still constantly be living in fear of a relapse. I will not be happy until I decide to be happy with or without my husband's recovery. Heavenly Father wants me to be happy! That's why one of the names for his plan is called the "Plan of Happiness!" In Alma 41 it talks about how our desires lead to rewards. In verse 5 it says that we shall be "raised to happiness according to our desires of happiness," but we are going to have to work to get it!

So what do I need to do? Well, first I need to be supportive of every step that my husband takes towards recovery. I need to ask him seek help, but most importantly, I need to stop obsessing about my husband's addictions, and focus on my path back towards Heavenly Father, and happiness. I want to study my scriptures, say my prayers, and live in faith- but I also want to find something extra to do everyday that will make me reach out and feel like ME again! For Example: Call a friend, Learn to sew, learn to crochet or knit, go for a walk, plant a garden, go running, meditate... and the list goes on! I want to find something that adds a sparkle to my day- every day! 

This blog is also my quest to seek out all of you who need seeking and be friends! Please feel free to email me at valiant.women.united@gmail.com. I am excited to see and hear of your progress. I want to share your stories with other women! If you will email them to me, I will post them so that if you would like, you can remain anonymous. I love you already!