Hard Times

It's been a few days due to a family tragedy on my husband's side. The hard part of this addiction is that sometimes when there is an intense situation happens like a death in the family, losing a job, natural disasters etc., It is easy, really easy for him to turn to pornography as a release from the stress. As much as a release it is to him, it has made the whole situation that much harder for me. It adds to the pain that I am already feeling. 

Something I am learning is that if my husband does end up turning to pornography in trying times is this- it is not my husband, it is the addict inside of him. My husband is the conscious that is telling the addict inside of him to stop, and is telling the addict that he needs help, whether he admits it out loud or not. It's so hard to remember to be patient and persevering, and know that God is working on him in the areas where I can't, in fact, he is more than willing to pick up the slack where I feel I are needing help. I am learning to not be afraid to turn my concerns, pain, and anguish to him. He is the only person that can put change in my husband- I can't. No matter how hard I try, the only way my husband will beat the addict self inside of him is if he turns himself over to the Lord, and to the resources that he has put on this earth to help him overcome it.

This is the hardest lesson for a wife to learn, because we all want to be in control. It is human nature to want to be in control. However, it is wisdom to realize that the only thing I can control is that moment and moments to come, where I ask the lord what to do because my way isn't working. Wisdom is having the faith to do what he guides me to do, no matter what.

I know I can do it.

I am strong.

I wouldn't be in this situation if our loving Heavenly Father didn't think I could come out of this challenge on top, and breathing hard. Ready to conquer the next mountain to climb.