Drama

Drama. It is the food that the addict likes to feed on. I am grateful for this knowledge. When we first got married and I was in denial that this whole thing was a problem again, I always wondered why we fought so much, and why even the littlest things sent us right into drama.

I didn't know about the two different lights that drama presents itself in: the persecutor mode (usually my husband... unless it was about the addiction, then it was very much myself), and the Victim (usually me).

I am not proud to say that I didn't handle a trigger very well today- We have an iPhone that I have the lock to as a toy for my son that I noticed that my husband and locked up trying to guess the password. I called him on the phone and called him out on it... which I am not proud of. Usually I am able to take a breath, call a group member, and then ask about it later when I'm in a healthy mindset. But I called him in the heat of the moment, and that obviously put him into a bad mood at school.

Later today, we got into an argument because he kept holding it over my head, he called me controlling a million times, and when I walked away, he texted me the word "control" at least 20 times. ugh. Anyway, I was able to not enter "victim" mode when he entered "persecutor" mode! And while it sucked for the 15/20 minutes I was being attacked, I was able to be in a clear mind- and not rub it in his face.

I simply told him in a matter of fact voice that I was not perfect, and neither was he. Sometimes we both make mistakes. I told him that his mistakes hurt me more than my little mistake hurt him, but that I try hard not to hold it over his head, and that I would appreciate the same courtesy. I told him that I didn't deserve it.

And that was it! I am so proud of it. Rather than being sucked in, I was able to keep my head clear and keep out of the drama cycle that feeds the addict! Yay me! :) I'm celebrating a small victory.

 Happy monday!