Whew.

So... after I wrote my last post, I felt like I should encourage my hubby to call the elder's quorum president, just make sure it was okay. He did, and the elders quorum president called the bishop, and the bishop said no. I felt such a huge wave of relief. I didn't know why! I have been so anxious for the world to know about our journey, but when the time came, I just didn't feel good about it- so incredibly anxious. I don't know if I will ever be ready for the WHOLE world to know. I definitely want to help the recovery movement as much as I can, but I just don't think that I am ready to disclose... and I don't think I will ever be ready. It feels so relieving to say that. If it does end up happening, I will cope and hopefully spin it to my own good, but for now, I am completely content with only a handful of the people around me knowing.

After talking to my husband, i'm pretty sure I understand why it is such a hard thing for people to disclose. Pornography addiction today is tied in public opinion to child pornography. For people who don't understand the problem, they can be (rightfully) worried and doubtful, and want to keep their children away from the porn addict. My husband has never struggled with child pornography, but I can see how others could draw the wrong conclusion... I don't ever want my child to have to suffer because of his father's addiction. He will have struggles of his own, and I don't want this weighty subject to be one of them.

So for now, silence it is, and silence I am comfortable with. It is good to have our amazing family members and one close friend know about it. I think for now, that's all I need or want.